Self-Care in Motherhood
As moms, we often sacrifice ourselves for everything else that is on our plates. The kids, housework, grocery shopping, dinner prep, play dates, sports activities—we put all of those things first and then find that we have little (or no) time left for ourselves. Navigating the daily life of motherhood, while also potentially pursuing a career, makes it extremely difficult to find a balance between nurturing family versus nurturing ourselves.
Self-Care is Important for Moms
Self-care is a necessity, but it’s something that we often view as a luxury—one we don’t have time for. Yet, for moms who dedicate so much of their time and energy to their families, it’s doubly important that they make time for self-care. You do not want to fall into the trap of putting your needs on the back burner and focusing entirely on your children, your spouse, and the household. Doing so is a recipe for burnout, losing your sense of self, and feelings of depression or resentment.
Repeat after me: “Self-care is NOT selfish.” Say it again: “Self care is NOT selfish.” Self-care is actually about taking care of yourself so you can best take care of your family. If your oxygen mask isn’t fitted first, you can’t make sure anyone else’s is either (that’s a reference to the flight safety speech, in case you weren’t sure what I was talking about). Taking care of you by practicing consistent self-care also models this healthy, positive behavior for your children. Wouldn’t you want them to prioritize themselves, to take time away for themselves, and to make sure they feel healthy and whole?
Why self-care is a challenge for moms
Trying to find time that feels “okay” to take for oneself is a challenge. Motherhood has a lot of demands and responsibilities, and it’s easy to convince ourselves that those demands and responsibilities are the most important things for us to focus on. With this mindset, it’s hard to see self-care as possible. However, proper strategies and a shift in mindset makes the idea of self-care completely doable.
Make self-care a priority
The first step in balancing parenthood and self-care is to recognize how important self-care is and make it a priority. By doing this, you are recognizing how important YOU are and you are making YOU a priority. Also, please remind yourself that taking care of yourself benefits your family too. When you're well-rested, relaxed, and fulfilled, you're better equipped to handle the challenges of motherhood.
Embrace Imperfection.
Let's face it: perfection is impossible. Embrace the idea that it's okay to let certain things slide. The dishes can wait, the house doesn't need to be spotless all the time, and gourmet meals aren't necessary (do kids even EAT gourmet meals anyway?). By letting go of unrealistic expectations and embracing imperfection, you free up more time for self-care. All of those responsibilities will still be there later, AFTER your self-care.
Create REalistic routines
Creating a routine that includes dedicated time for all of your responsibilities AND self-care is essential. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your family, meeting each member of the family where they’re at. Make sure the daily schedules also cater to YOUR needs by carving out pockets of time for activities that fill you up—whether that’s reading a book, exercising, enjoying a soothing bath, or any other pleasurable activity that is JUST FOR YOU. As a side note, kids actually thrive on predictable schedules and routines too, so developing this will be beneficial on many levels.
Delegate and get support
You don't have to do everything alone. Enlist the help of your partner, family members, or friends. Whether it's sharing household chores or watching the kids for a few hours, delegating tasks lightens your load and creates room for self-care. Not to mention, you are fostering a sense of community and strengthening other relationships when you reach out.
Find quick self-care activities
Self-care doesn’t have to take hours. During a busy day, it’s just not realistic that you’ll be able to go to the spa or read for an hour in peace. Finding quick and effective self-care strategies is key to fitting this important activity into daily life. Deep breathing exercises, meditation, a short yoga session, or even a 15-minute walk around the block can work wonders in rejuvenating your mind and body, and can easily fit into even the busiest of days.
Use nap times and bed times
For moms with young children, nap time and bedtime can be golden opportunities for self-care. Use this time to engage in activities you enjoy, whether it's reading, journaling, practicing a hobby, or simply relaxing with your favorite tea.
Practice self compassion
Give yourself permission to make mistakes and take breaks. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same love, kindness, and understanding that you would offer a close friend. This mindset shift can help alleviate the guilt associated with taking time for yourself (because Mom-guilt is real).
Connect with other moms
Motherhood can feel lonely. Connecting with other moms who are facing similar challenges can be incredibly helpful. Local parenting groups, online forums, or social media platforms give you the opportunity to share experiences, offer and receive advice, and help you feel understood and less isolated.
Make self-care a family activity
Self-care doesn't always have to be something you do alone. You can incorporate self-care into family activities by going for nature walks, practicing yoga together, or having a family movie night. These shared experiences allow you to bond with your children while still prioritizing your own well-being. It helps your children practice self-care too!
Adjust as you and your children grow
Time changes all things, including you and your family. Your self-care strategies will need to grow and change, as well. As your children become more independent, you'll likely find more time for self-care. As you grow, you may lose interest in previous hobbies and gain new interests. Be open to adapting your routines and strategies so you continue to feel nurtured, uplifted, and whole.
Juggling motherhood and self-care is a tricky balancing act, but it's definitely worth the effort. It may take some trial and error to find out what activities truly feel nurturing to you, and how to fit these activities into your life. Remember, it’s about progress, NOT perfection. Even if you’re only able to initially add a small window of self-care into your busy weeks, that’s better than nothing and it gives you a foundation to grow on.
Taking care of YOU is an essential investment in your well-being and your ability to be the best mom you can be. It will help you find more peace, patience, and wellness. It will also help your children learn to better care for themselves, since you are their most important model. Remember, a happy and fulfilled mom creates a positive ripple effect that benefits the entire family. So, take that bubble bath, read that book, or go for that walk—because a well-cared-for mom is a powerful force, capable of nurturing both her family and herself with unwavering love and strength.